How effective are you at communicating with your kids? Are you pleased with the outcomes of your interaction? Is your communication between each other loaded with emotion, or does it get the job done in a peaceful way. Here are 8 tips on getting the most out of your communications with your kids.

Be Your Word.

Everything you say to your kids is a promise or a contract. Do what you say you are going to do and you establish trust. Trust carries you through when they're 16 years old, cruising around with their friends, and you aren't there to supervise.

Recently, there was an article about the Florida football team which was just about to go into the National Championship game against the Ohio State Buckeyes. Florida had a brand-new coach whose name was Urban Meyer. Everybody agreed he had turned the program around. Their season had dramatically improved, even though they basically had the same talent and schedule. So what made up the difference?

To a man, they all stress the fact that the fresh coach had built up a greater sense of trust amongst the players and coaches. They talked about some of his methods. There were things like drills at midnight and certain contests he had dreamed up. The significant point was he had created a high level of trust.

Your kids will be tempted, and because you will not be there looking over their shoulder, you must instill character in them. The opening move in instilling character is that they see character in you. You're their role model.

Be 100% Responsible

Having integrity means being 100% accountable for everything in your life. It means dispensing with your arguments and your excuses. Every genuinely successful individual I know lives their life as though they are 100% responsible for everything in their life.

At first glance, a lot of people think this is absurd or unrealistic. Other people get the idea, but they don't really live it. This might sound like a burden at first; in reality it is a freedom.

When you really get that you are 100% responsible for everything in your life, it's a tremendously liberating experience. It allows you to create your life. This concept isn't just some quote you can read and reject. It is real. Think about it: if you are not responsible, if you do not have control over your personal life, then you are simply a victim and whatever makes you miserable will forever make you miserable because you cannot change it, do away with it. I know you can experience this truth.

Be Genuine

This means being direct in your communications and take what you get. This means do not use force or manipulation as a way of attempting to get what you desire. We know that we can not control other people. Once you really understand that and internalize it, you'll stop trying to manipulate or coerce others into achieving the outcomes that you want. Pressure and manipulation will, at the best, only get you a passing result. Humans always resist pressure and manipulation. Pressure and manipulation are truly a product of fear.

When my kids were young and they told their mamma they wanted to live with papa all the time, her reply was to tell them that if they did that she would disinherit them. Plainly, I knew she would not disown them and I told them that. She got what she wanted temporarily. They returned to live with her for a month, but very soon, they realized mama wasn't actually going to leave them and so they moved into my house for good.

Be Free

Learn to give up that petty joy of being right. How many times have we used that as justification for our activities?

When I say forfeit the joy of being right, I'm not saying forget about the concept of right and wrong. It's unbelievably crucial to teach your children the difference 'tween right and wrong. Giving up the joy of being right really concerns the whole idea of control. More specifically, it deals with the fact that you do not control anybody else. If you're having a dispute with your ex or you are angry at them because you're right and they are wrong, this has nothing to do with making them right and you wrong. It has nothing to do with forgetting about right and wrong. It doesn't meant that you have to give in to them. I just mean you aren't going to convince them that you are right. It just means, let it go. Again, think long-run. Think what will be effective and what your children are seeing as in you as you deal with your ex.

Be Bold

Always address issues with your kids head-on. My daughters assured me throughout high school that their acquaintances were forever astonied at the things they could talk to me about. They would say things like "Crystal can't believe I told you about that!!" Naturally, I was thrust into this because there was no mom around. The final result is that my children can come to me with anything - sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll. All the same, our goal here is to raise these kids so they become successful and healthy young adults.

When you communicate intelligibly and openly with your kids and build up trust they'll come to you with the important issues in their lives. Be their guide. You're their anchor. You want them coming to you for advice on important things, not their friends.

Be Amicable

This goes back to being accepting of what you are really trying to achieve. Do not accept the easy way out. Acquire an early warning system. What are the matters in your relationship with your kids that annoy, aggravate or anger you? Think of what it is that really angers you.

Whatever you believe it is, it really Is not that. Now you believe I am babbling out nonsense. Let me give you a good example. When my girls were in highschool, I used to get genuinely aggravated when they'd leave the bathroom a mess. Generally, they'd spend hours in the bathroom, doing what girls do, so that they could go out and be beautiful and make that party. They'd make an unenthusiastic attempt to clean up the bathroom and *BOOM*, they were out the door. I would  go up the stairs, take one look at the bathroom and become furious because the sink was a mess and the towels were just lying about the floor.

On the face of it, I was mad because they left the bathroom a mess. When I truly examined it, I knew I was angry at myself because I was failing as a parent to change their conduct. That's what I mean when I say, look at whatever it is that upsets you and whatever you believe it is, it's not really that.

Be Strong

Don't be cynical; be inspiring. Act in a manner that they're touched and that you make a difference in their lives. A last word about complete ownership: I've repeatedly discoursed being responsible in your life. Successful parents are responsible. Responsibility in this context isn't an encumbrance. It is not something you have to do, like pay off the bills. It's not about fault or blame. It is not about guilty feelings of shame. It is not about receiving recognition. It Is not all about your ability to understand things or to say whether a thing is moral or honorable. It's not about what's good or bad.

Being responsible means being wiling to address a situation in your life from the point of view that you are the creator of your life and in control of what you do. No one makes you responsible and you don't make anyone else responsible. It's a present you give yourself.

Pass this example on to your kids. Teach them to be responsible for themselves. Once again, not a burden - recognise that they determine the outcomes of their lives.

Take Nothing Personally

In all of your family relationships, in all of your communications, take nothing personally. Keep an eye on the world around you. Notice how frequently people get offended. Anticipate it. As an experiment, count how many times you can observe someone being offended in a single day. The more you observe them as an outsider, the funnier it becomes. People act like small children.

Do not be like everybody else. Step back and be an observer. See how people interact with one another. You'll find it amusing. The more you watch it in other people, the funnier it is, and the more quickly you will recognise when you're doing it, you'll be able to stop.

If you will give these tips a try, your success in parenting and your communication with your kids will both surely benefit.